His Jealousy, My Comfort

I find the jealousy of God a great comfort to me.   When I am being enticed by evil and am struggling to overcome, His fierce jealously is gloriously unkind to that evil.

Real Danger

A blog post by Noah Kaye (noahkaye.com) which I felt worthy of reposting:

Many people worry about their safety and security. We happen to live and serve in South Africa, a country bound by fear and crime and loaded with gates, locks and alarms. But we also serve in a missional community where many people are preparing to go to hostile places around the world where the gospel has not yet reached. So, danger is a very real thing for many of our friends who are counting the cost of giving their lives.

Last week, I was listening to Floyd McClung (our leader here) teach on values and he started talking about danger in a way that stirred my heart.

• Living in constant disobedience to Jesus…that is dangerous.
• When our greatest goal is to work 70 hours a week for 35 years so we can have a nice house and a pension…that is dangerous.
• When a Mom and Dad compromise the will of God while their kids watch on…that is dangerous.
• When you are more interested in insuring your life on this earth (70 years if you’re lucky) while you do nothing to insure your life for all eternity….that is dangerous.
• Wanna hear something else dangerous? Dangerous is when you install gates, alarms and locks all around you and your family while you open your doors wide to the father of lies, the great destroyer and accuser, satan.

Perhaps it would do us all some good to consider the differences between danger in the world and danger in the Kingdom.

Update on Matt

Matt continues to make improvements although he is still in the ICU.  He is working on learning to drink a little and eat some applesauce as he has not had anything for a month (IV liquid food).  He is able to talk now although some of what he says doesn't make sense.  But we're hopeful that he is on a good path and will come out of this, so thanks for your prayers.  :)

Praying for Matt

As some of you know I'm now back on the Mainland after an emergency trip home.   My step-brother went into the hospital thinking he was just sick from the flu but instead discovered he had one of the rarest gastrointestinal diseases (superior mesenteric artery disease) on the book.   Mortality rate is 1/3.  In addition he developed heart problems, respiratory failure, kidney failure and pneumonia.  He was put on a ventilator.  On Friday he took a turn for the worse and the doctors called the family and told us if we wanted to say good-bye to him we needed to come now.    I flew in last night to Georgia where I'm writing this.

While I was in the air on my way home his vitals that have been so bad began to stabilize so they decided to take him into surgery.  My mother and step-father had just arrived so they were able to see him off.  Miraculously he lived through surgery and instead of repairing the problem which often proves fatal with this disease, the surgeon was able to reroute things.  He went from saying 'it's time to pay your last respects' to 'he may yet live through this.'  He's not out of the woods and we are still in prayer, but hope is growing.  He's still on the respirator and unconscious but they are going to try to wake him up tomorrow.

It's not been an easy time for my family.  In addition we received a call tonight that my kitty of 14 years has taken a turn for the worse since we've been away.  She is not expected to make it through the night.  Our animals feel like members of the family and it's been hard to deal with this on top of what is going on.  Thank you to our dear friends and neighbors who are having to handle this situation for us.

But even in this hour there has been beauty.  You, the body of Christ, stepped up and made it possible for me to come home.  Before I left, the cost of my emergency plane ticket was covered as well as my bills for the next month.  I don't know how long we will be here but I'm able to stay as long as needed.  So thank you dear friends.  You have given richly and in the hour of need, that has taken a burden off.  You are the most beautiful bride of Christ!

Please be in prayer for Matt and my family.  While he has had nothing short of a miraculous turn around, things are still very much on shaky ground.  The pneumonia is still a huge issue and he is at high risk of sepsis.  He is still in ICU and will be there for some time.

Thank you again for all your love, prayers and support.

Will you let me testify?

In 2012:

• I told the Lord I did NOT want to return to ministry with debt (a.k.a student loans) that had been recently acquired for PTA school.  I didn't have the ability to pay it off and I needed his help.  Three days before I left and with many miracles, my debt was zero.
• I asked the Lord for a car while I was here.  He provided.
• I really wanted to live with a Brazilian to continue with Portuguese.  I didn't ask just thought it.  One of my roommates was from Brazil.  
• I told the Lord I did not want to reduce my giving to others now that I was again on "support from heaven" and not from a job.  Every month He has provided to give to others.
• I told the Lord I wanted a Brita filter, found one free.  Told the Lord I wanted a special kind of double-walled cup that didn't condense everywhere--found one in the apartment cupboard.  Told the Lord I wanted a clip light for the bed so I could read at night.   Next night my roommate mentions she has one, would I like it.
• I was convicted about some debts I needed to repay.  The Lord provided a means.
• I have been trying for weeks to find a place off-campus and praying but nothing has happened.  I  did NOT EVER AGAIN want to move one more stinking time on campus.  Had a meltdown yesterday.  Told the Lord that "YOU are my Father and it is YOUR responsibility to take good care of me and I NEED A PLACE TO STAY OFF-CAMPUS and it's YOUR problem."  I felt the Lord kind of laugh (in a good, slightly annoying way).  In 24 hours someone texted me and said, "Do you want a place?"  Tomorrow I move.

Not A Proper Update

 I would like to send a proper update but it doesn't seem to be happening.  So here's a week in review:

1)  Last Saturday--Volcano Nat'l Park.   With students where caldera is 200 yards away.  The folks there are excited.  It is getting ready to blow another hole any day now.  Learned the city where I am living is THE most dangerous city in the world for volcanic eruption as the city is built on its hillside.  It erupts every 200 years.  The last eruption was 1801.  Do the math.   Then get 3/4 around the island with my students when the transmission goes out on car.  Stuck in small town at night with no mechanic within miles.  Japanese grandma feeds us yummy purple swee potatoes.  Then the tsunami siren sounds and we need to get outta there and the tow truck isn't arriving. We've waited 3 1/2 hours.  A friend makes the long, late night drive and we make the mad dash 2 hours back to town without car to try to beat the tsunami along the coastal road.  We arrived at the same minute the tusnami arrived.  Those sirens are scary.  Far worse than tornado sirens.   Tsunami is small. All is well.

2)  Sunday--Spent 4 hours on phone trying to secure a tow truck with a service that guarantees and says, "sorry we can't help you."  Meltdown.  God's grace.  Ask people on phone to forgive me.

3) Monday--Found out tow track was 1 mile away when we cancelled the call on Sunday.  Had to cancel it because we needed to get safety because the tsunami was to hit and I was responsible for students.  Didn't know it was only 1 mile away.   We are safe.  It's all good.

4)  Tuesday--Find out transmission is dead.  It had been replaced one year ago by former owner but it was a used transmission so there was no guarantee.  Bought the car two weeks ago.   Hello 2 legs.  Nice to meet you again.

5)  Wednesday--Hauled 4 tons of chairs, tents and tables and such up a hill in the middle of the Hawaiian wilderness for VIP's for them to envision a new film being developed by David Cunningham.  It's called Day of War.  It will be about David and his mightymen.  We were invited to come be extras and die in the battlefield.

6)  Thurs--Have opportunity to backstage manage for DC Talk and Audio Adrenaline singers.   See THE oldest copy of Psalm 3 and 5 in the world.  See a manuscript that was kept safe in a concentration camp in Germany.  See the first ever book.  See some other oldest copies of Scripture on the planet that were found in mummy masks as raw material.  Very cool.  God is so very faithful.

7)  Tonight--Meeting with Kony 2012 Invisible Children team as they again rally the troups with their new initiative to try to oust the LRA, the army in central Africa that has abducted 40,000 children as sex slaves and forced them as soldiers to kill their family.  Heard from one of the Ugandan's who lost her whole family of 9 to the war.  She lived because of the sacrifice of her sister.  Will the world move to act where it hasn't acted in the last 26 years?  Verdict still out.

So that was all during my "off hours."  During my "on" hours I'm spending about 10 hours a day with students and this course.  In the meantime I have the privelege of working with students from Ghana, China and the US on a major local event for the community.  It has been shocking the amount of spiritual battle in this but we are surfing the Lord's grace and favor.  Thank you for your prayers.  Your investment is not just in me but in the kingdom.  I can't say thank-you enough, but He sure can.

This scroll survived in a concentration camp.

The Way We Ask Matters

As I've been in this season of economic repentance and reformation, one thing I am learning is to not ask the Lord for money for what I want/need/desire, but to ask him for that very thing itself.

Examples:

"Lord, I'd like a water purifier as our water tastes funny." 
Answer:  My roommate found a water filter in a room where the people had left.

"Lord, I'd like to get a light by my bed so I can read."
Answer:  My roommate mentioned she had an extra light she wasn't using which I didn't know about.

"Lord, I'd like one of those double-walled cups so I don't have condensation run all over."
Answer:  After I prayed this, I mysteriously found one in the cupboard I hadn't seen before.


Granted, I don't believe the Lord is going to answer for my every want.  But He is a good God and at times He likes to spoil His children. 

Additionally, if I asked for money and felt like lack of money was the problem, I believe I would fall under the slavery of the spirit of mammon.  Money is not my provider.  Ever.  Only God is.  God may give me money to get what I desire, but it isn't my god.

If we ever say, "I don't have enough money to buy..." we're probably serving the god of mammon.  God is enough for all that we need.  In fact, it says

"He is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things, at all times, having all that we need, you may abound in every good work" 2 Cor 10:6.

All that we ever need is in Him and anything less may just be idolatry.

Debt is Always Spiritual

I thought I was doing good.  That this was the part of life I handled somewhat Ok.   But it very quickly has become the chapter of life that I didn't know I needed to write.

Like I said, I thought I was doing pretty well.  I had seen members of my family suffer at the hands of debt's death grip so I didn't want to travel that road.  If I had a credit card purchase, I paid it off.  By the extraordinary grace of God and from some incredibly righteous gifts,  I was able to get through undergraduate and graduate school with no loans.   I couldn't exactly say I was ahead, but I would tell you I wasn't in debt.  Or so I thought.  And then it came.  Those words that have set in motion a rapidly unfolding journey:

"Debt is always spiritual."

It was the word of the Lord.  It's not about what you have on paper somewhere; Debt is a spiritual transaction between two entities.

"The borrower is slave to the lender." (Prov 22:7)

My mistake came because I had somewhat of a cleared debt on paper.  The bank was happy.  The student loan people were happy.  The credit card people were....well... not happy.  They don't like it when folks borrow from them and pay back right away.

But if debt is spiritual, then it means whenever I've told someone, "Hey, I'll pay you back for that" and I've forgotten, I'm still in debt.  I still owe.  And I'm still a slave to the lender.   Whether they remember or not.

So I'm repenting.  And repenting some more.  Because God is helping me remember.

Truth is sometimes painful, but it is also liberty.

Postponed

The latest 40 challenge of no-complaining for 40 days has been post-poned.  I've been so occupied with the school development that it's not something I'm able to focus on.  I will start again later.  :)

Day 1: The spirit

By 8:30 am I've had to switch the purple rubber band 3 times now.  What I've discovered is that while I do not always complain directly, there is a spirit of complaining behind my words and that qualifies for the switch.  For example, this morning episode:

"I have to get up earlier than all my roommates or I won't be able to get into the bathroom.   It is going to be worse when classes start because then we'll all get up at the same time.  Not only that but we may be getting 2 more roommates or moving all together.  I hope we don't move.  But it's all good because being packed out means growth is happening..."

I was stating facts.  It is true I need to get up very early and that it will be a challenge when classes start.  So much of our complaining is about "telling facts."  But behind these words were the spirit of complaining.  There goes the purple band.

Complaining is hard to define by words.  It is spirit primarily.

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Second half of day was even worse.  Abstaining details that would lead to all out slander, I worked under a volunteer today and when she was not near, needless to say I had to move the purple bracelet countless times.  

40 Days: The Hardest Yet

I've been putting this off for awhile.  Oh, I've had my excuses.  Moving.  Setting up a new place.  Trying to put together a training program.  Anything to ward off what I know to be the next 40 day challenge.  Ward off because I know the extent of the problem.

Imagine:  40 days of no complaining about anything or anyone

Sound easy?  Try it for yourself. 

It begins with a purple wrist band.  They sell them at some church in Kansas where it was originally promoted (check out the Today show host trying to do this challenge).  I'm not going to use one of theirs.  Ironically (cough, sputter) I found a purple rubber band in my dresser.   Seriously?  Come on, who makes purple rubber bands?

So every time I hear myself complaining about something or someone, the band gets switched from one wrist to the other.  How many days is the goal? Well the original church challenge was for 21 days.  It just took an average of 3-7 months for people to string that together.  To be that intentional that long would be...well...long.  Is that a complaint?

My goal is to see if in 40 days I can string together at least 7 consecutive days without a complaint.  God help me.  And if you're anywhere near me, I invite you to help as well (in case I complain and don't realize it).  Even better yet, see if you can make it through one day of no complaining.  Surely there's got to be a purple rubber band in your drawer too...

The Speaking Heart

Fish and chips.  It sounded good.  It was expensive.  I ordered it.  I was content.  For about 3 seconds.

Enter friend who states she ordered Chinese.  Earlier I had thought to myself all I wanted was some meat and vegetables but I couldn't find any.  Now I had a plate full of fish and chips...well actually fish and salad.  I did try to get something to satiate my conscience.  But now I didn't didn't want that fish and chips.  I wanted Chinese!

It got worse.  I went with my fish and salad over to see the Chinese place.  An order would have been $4 less!  I could've kept $4 more dollars in my "restaurant budget" (yes, I'm in economic repentance in which I now use a budget).  A whole $4! I could about buy another meal for that!  Ok, maybe not here.  But somewhere!

This was a problem.  The fish and salad which looked good mere seconds ago was now despised.  I did eat it, but not with much pleasure.  I would have preferred the Chinese.  I wanted that meat and vegetables.

And there it was.  Discontent in all its ugliness.  Had I never heard or seen that there was Chinese food nearby, I would have taken great pleasure in the fish.  I might have even enjoyed it.  But discontent leaves an unpleasant taste in the mouth.  And all I saw now was a lot of grease on my plate and grease on my fingers and fat on my thighs and it all gives me something to complain about.  This is going downhill fast.  Where are the brakes?!

So where does this discontent come from?  When I have something to compare it to.  Comparison is at the root of discontent.  We are happy with what we have... until we see something more appealing.  Have a great spouse that you find pleasure in?  Meet someone who is attractive, godly, wonderful, kind, appreciative, respectful.  All of a sudden that spouse that was so wonderful now seems...less.   Even if the "other" isn't pursued.  And there are more things for comparison.   What about that job?  That ministry?  The house?  The car?   It all is something we can enjoy until we see someone in similar circumstances who has something a little better.  Comparison.  It is the death of our joy.

The remedy?  The speaking heart of gratitude.  The heart.  The place where we really think.  And the mouth that speaks, the agent that is a necessary for the thoughts of the heart to become reality.  Take a family I know.

They didn't like each other.  The husband didn't like the wife.  The wife didn't like the husband.  The kids didn't like each other.  They weren't too fond of their parents either.   It was a messy mess and with angry explosions they were about to face total collapse and become another statistic.  Another failure story.  Another...you get the picture.

Enter a husband who said enough.  Each and every single night for months the family sat down to say 2 words of gratitude and appreciation to each other.  Silence abounded.  It almost couldn't be done.  Not because of rebelliousness, but because there were so very few sincere thoughts to say.  The heart had heavy shades.  But relentless pursuit of righteousness began a slow sunrise.  The heart began to think and it was good.  The mouth began to speak and it was better.  And the heart heard what the mouth said and more thoughts came which was the best yet.  But most importantly life returned.  Light returned.  And joy returned.  (If you need three "L's" just add "light-heartedness returned.").  It was glorious and triumphant victory.  Ongoing victory.  Victory that does not end.  As Jesus says,

"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light."

And there was light.

And it was the first day.

Confession is Good for the Soul

I have something to confess.  Last night I made a post asking to donate to a water project for my birthday.  I don't hesitate asking because I know how dire the need is.  And when I had my first person donate, it brought me to tears.  Still does.   But I have to confess something.  I gave way to fear. 

The reality is that I would like a goal of $5000 as that will fund the entire project.  But I gave way to fear and only put $1000.   I was too afraid no one would give and that the goal couldn't be met.  Furthermore I've struggled with this whole turning this particular number.  I don't know why.  Maybe it's because I'm so far from home, family and friends.  :(  I know it's not because I feel old or think this number is old.  I don't.  I really don't.  Although at times I had hoped/expected to be in a different place in life right now.  But at the same time I'm glad to be re-entering the waters of missions and am looking forward to what is ahead.  And my goodness, I'm in a tropical paradise!  So again, I don't know why it's bothering me but it is.  So the thought of going for $5000 is a risk to the heart.   And fear gave way.  So this morning I repented before the Lord and asked for permission for His grace.  I ask the same of you.

This week I heard the expression pertaining to Peter's walking on water that "I'd rather be a wet water walker than a dry boat talker."  That's exactly the way I feel.  So I'm going for it. If I don't get to the $5k, I'd rather say that I gave it a shot then played my heart safe.  But I need your help.  Will you email this link to 7 friends?  At this point I can't think of any other way.  Maybe through our connections we can together get this whole community in Africa clean water.   And I just love the thought that we get to see actual pictures of this project.  I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate 40 years of my life.

So here's the link:

http://mycharitywater.org/melissa-bs-40th

So there's my heart laid out raw before you.

Love to you guys

Birthday!

Hello friends!

I'm about to turn a year older this year (Sept 28th) and hopefully I'm a little wiser. I wanted to do something different this year as it is a special birthday and I'm a long ways away from friends and family.

This year, I'm giving up my birthday for charity: water. With 800 million people on this planet that still don't have access to clean drinking water and often die young, I'd like to change that for one community.  Every single penny goes to drill a well, and when the project is complete (typically within 18 months), they'll send us a digital completion report with GPS coordinates and photos of the community we helped. (Just FYI--Charity Water was started by a man who served 2 years on a YWAM Mercy Ship).

Instead of giving me presents this year, would you please donate whatever you are able for my birthday, and help me bring clean water to a whole town in need? The place that funds will go to will be in the Rulindo district of Rwanda.  Also, would you be so kind as to let others know I'm legit?  (I have gray hairs to prove it.  Yikes!)  I've got a goal of $1000 and I need help meeting that goal.

Please go to my campaign to donate: http://mycharitywater.org/melissa-bs-40th

Thank you for your support!

Melissa :)

Timing is Everything

When I was first asked to come to this ministry to do this project for a few months, my first reply was no.  I felt like my time there was done.  But the woman asking me asked me to pray again.  I took some time and prayed and again came back with a no answer.  Several months passed.  I received an email again asking me to reconsider.  This time as I was reading the email my heart did a 180 degree turn as I was reading this email.  I knew this only could have been from God.  And from a persistant woman praying for help!

But before I could totally answer in the affirmative I told her I had to check with my church leadership.  I had them pray.  I prayed.  I received a yes answer.  They received a no.  Hm.  What to do?  So a few months later I had them pray again.  I prayed again.  The woman on the other end waited for a firm commitment.  I received a stronger yes from the Lord.  My leadership received a stronger no from the Lord.    A third time I asked them to pray.  A third time I prayed.  I received an even stronger yes from the Lord.  They received a definitive no.  What to do?  Do you obey what you feel like the Lord is telling you to do and go against your leaders?  Or do you obey your leaders but go against what God is telling you?  What would you do?

Then about a week later it came to me out of the blue.  I bet it's a timing issue.  I bet that we are both hearing from the Lord correctly.  I approached my leadership and asked them to pray if it was timing.  We both prayed.  We both got a yes.  We both even got the same semester I was to staff.  It was a valuable lesson in hearing from the Lord in community.

I bought my plane ticket for a couple of months ahead of time to prepare for the school. As I prepared I had no peace again.  I was miserable.  I would stay up at night worrying about everything.  This went on for months.  I felt miserable leaving my job.  I felt no peace about anything.  It was terrible.  And then I wondered if it was timing.  I felt this was maybe the issue.  So I called up the airline company and changed my ticket to a month later but still enough time to prepare for the school.  Immediately after the peace came rushing back.  It was a timing issue.  For some reason I was to be there a month later than planned, no sooner.

Upon arrival I've wondered why.  Why this month and not last?  And this month and not next?  Perhaps this month verses the previous month is a little more clear.  Due to some work circumstances staying one more month financially allowed me to pay the remaining balance on my student loans, something I had prayed about before returning to full-time ministry.  But why not a month later?

Last night I think I got my answer.  I was at a financial seminar that was taught by a man of Issachar, one who "understands the times."  It was so very Scriptural, so very practical, and so potentially life-changing.  Had I come any later I might have missed it.  Had I come too near this I might have been so jet-lagged that I would've opted out.  And yet there I was receiving revelation from Scripture that is so Biblical yet I had never heard before.  Something that could alter my future and the future of my family.

And I have to fall to my knees and thank God.  Thankful that He is the Shepherd that is guiding us for our good.  He is the Shepherd that works with our human leaders for our good.   He is good.  And after the last few days, I am so very, very thankful.  Truly, HIS timing is everything.

On the Ship

When Jackie Pullinger felt the Lord call her, she didn't exactly know where to go or what to do.  She applied to several mission boards but they turned her down.  She was single, wasn't trained enough, etc.. etc...  Yet she still felt a strong calling to go.  But her largest problem was that she didn't know where to serve.

One day she consulted with a pastor.  When she confessed that the Lord laid it strong in her heart to step into missions but he hadn't given her the location, he advised her if God was telling her to go, she had better obey the Lord.  He instructed her to buy a ticket on a cargo ship that went the furthest distance away.  Every time that ship pulled into port, she should ask God is this is where she was to get off the ship.

Obedient to God's call, Jackie bought a ticket to China, the farthest place from England that the ships currently went.  Waving to her family was heartbreaking but she knew she was to obey the Lord's call.  With each stop at each port she would pray, but the Lord did not lead her to disembark.  Finally on the last stop in Hong Kong, the Lord said this was the place.  With very little money and through numerous miracles, Jackie Pullinger was able to enter the country and eventually start a ministry to drug addicts in the Walled City.  She continues her ministry to this day.  (Jacki Pullinger--Chasing the Dragon). 

Right now I feel a little bit of what Jackie Pullinger must have felt like on the ship.  I am currently in a beautiful place for ministry but I feel this is a bridge to something else, not the stopping off point.  I am just not sure what the stopping off point is yet.  For now I am on the ship and asking God about where to disembark.  In the meantime I have commitments here until the end of the year.  To not know what is after December is uncomfortable, but it does press me harder into the heart of God.  And in reality, that's a pretty good thing.

The view from "the Ship"

Found

A couple of people today wished me well today as I'm returning to missions and told me that they hoped I found what I was looking for.  For some reason it didn't resonate, but then the truth break in with great light and joy.  I'm not going because I'm looking for something.  I go because I already found what I was looking for.  Him.   Such joy!

Soft Heart

I was talking to a police officer tonight and he had that syndrome that so many officers get--hardness of heart.  I thought it about.  Truly, the only way we can keep from hardening our hearts when we see so so much evil is trust the justice of God.  The cross was proof that He never compromised justice to become justifier.

:)

40 Days: In the Morning (Confessions of a Night Owl)

There are many verses that talk about rising early to pray, but the one I have always held onto is Psalm 119:62--"At midnight I rise to give you thanks..."

I've historically not been a morning person.  I pray throughout the day and usually at night, although I tend to cut my time short at night because of sleepiness.  So what would it be if for 40 days I rose in the morning to spend an hour "praying in the spirit on all occasions?"  Would morning make a difference?

The forty days are done and I have to say the first 20 days were some of the best.  It really did set the tone for the day.  My spirit felt full as if I'd had a big meal.  The second 20 days I began to falter.  I am moving a couple thousand miles away in a couple of weeks and my tiredness has increased.  My hour prayer time was reduced to being spread out throughout the day as I was just plain tired!  It didn't feel the same.  I still had my prayer time in, but something changed.

I still think we can be morning pray-er people or night ones.  David Wilkerson of Cross and the Switchblade prayed at night and out of it came his entire ministry.  But I think there is something special to the morning.  I just don't know how to overcome the extreme tiredness I feel.  Going to bed early isn't always easy because it doesn't mean you fall asleep right away.  But I want to continue working on this one because as much as I hate to admit it, I think the morning birds may be on to something. 

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(The next 40 day experiment I think will be my hardest one yet.  Stay tuned.)