You Eat what you Plant

Someone in my family:  "I lost 3 pounds...but it's probably just water weight."  A few hours later, "I exercised 40 minutes but it wasn't very good as I was trying to do 45." 

Me:  "Mother!  If I lost 3 pounds would you bash me and tell me it's just "water weight?"  Or if I exercised 40 minutes would you tell me that I was a failure because I didn't do 45?"

Person in my family:  "No!  Absolutely not.  I would never say that to you!"

Me:  "Well then?!"

Oftentimes we treat others nicer than we treat ourselves.  

I say to myself, "I feel so frustrated that people don't listen."  Or I look in the mirror and say "I need to lose a few pounds but it's so hard.  I try and it comes right back."  Then I go to work and think "Why do others have the life they wanted yet as hard as I try and go for it, I have very little of what I have dreamed about."

Yet would I tell someone I loved the same? "People don't listen to you so it's probably not worth trying very hard."  "You put a lot of effort in for not much result so maybe it's best not to work so hard."  "You really need to lose a few pounds but it's hard and it will probably just come right back."  "Everyone else will get their dreams fulfilled but you'll probably be left out and a leftover."

Would I say this to others?  As a Christian, I wouldn't ever say those things to someone!  (At least I hope I wouldn't.)   But it's what we tell ourselves.

What happens though is that thoughts become seeds.    Like this one.

If I plant this avocado seed, why do I get so frustrated when it doesn't produce peaches?  I just want peaches!   I plant the thing again and again it doesn't produce any peaches!  The blasted thing keeps making avocados!  Every.  Single.  Time.

That is until I put the seed in the ground corresponding to the fruit I want.   So yesterday I went walking.  I said out loud to myself, "I don't eat junk, I eat LIFE."  "I am self-controlled because that's what God gives his children."  "I'm a skinny person and I exercise and eat well, where I'm at now is a facade for who I really am."  "God has a hope and a future and good plans for me."  

This isn't a 'name it, claim it' practice.  This is believing the truth of His Word and speaking it over my life. 

So last night I was hungry and I knew there was this in the house:

It usually takes about 2 seconds worth of justification before a large number of those are in my mouth and tummy.  And surprisingly, with no effort or will power on my own, the part of my mind that had been told "I don't eat junk, I eat life!"  began to war with the part that says "Yum!  Dig in!"  And well, without hardly even trying, I finally got to eat some of those peaches.

Fill the Fridge

Oftentimes we tell people to repent.  And what it does is leave us/them empty:

It's not enough to empty the fridge.  Because if we only do that, we come back hungry.  And after awhile, we will eat...something.

So with every act of repentance we need filling...with the good stuff.

It's why when we come back hungry, we can begin to retrain our appetite.

Influence

Recently I made a simple video just for fun.  I posted it on YouTube.

In a matter of a couple of weeks I've had over 250 views from all over the world, over 35 countries.   Not to be too impressed because 250 views in YouTube world is nothingness.  But I am reminded again of the power of influence.  Somebody in Brunei and Saudi Arabia watched this little video I made in the middle of nowhere USA.  Everything we do has a degree of influence to a much broader reach than we realize.  It's called the Butterfly effect.  Can a butterfly flap its wings in Brazil and cause a tornado in Kansas?  In the world of quantum physics and chaos theory the answer is yes. 

So my question is how can we bring this same influence to the gospel?  What can we do to bring that same level of influence?  How can we create interest?  Some other videos I made (How to memorize the Sermon on the Mount--see "Vids for Life" tab) have garnered about 4 views.  So how do 250 people discover a video hidden among millions of videos on boiling Coke as opposed to finding videos with gospel influence?  Obviously something unique, special and radical will bring the YouTube views.  But I think what brings interest to the gospel is more important and that is the simple acts of real love.  And this has nothing to do with hits, views, tweets or posts.

I was reading a blog the other day about a woman who intentionally decided to love her neighbors--literally.  It meant bringing over extra muffins and stopping at the cranky old lady's house and being intentional.  Actually doing something.  Love creates interest.

When I reflect on my life, I see that I'm not very intentional about love.  For me it probably begins with intentional words.  I say words, some good and some not so good but rather with reason and purpose behind them.  Mostly just what comes out of my mouth.  But per the quote in the previous post, if you do what's natural there's no life.

Lord, help me to begin. 

Relationships

I saw this quote that referred to marriage, but I believe it is relevant for all relationships:

“If you do and say what is natural in a marriage, you will kill it. If you do and say what is intentional, you will thrive.” Be blessed!

Day 7: The House is Full

The house will soon be full later today to the experiment will end.  It's been so good in many ways.  One thing I have really felt this week was the words "cultivate happy."  So I want to do that.

And with reading books I still know that the Lord has said not to do so.  But TV will be a household thing.  What I have realized though is that before I watch something, I want to ask, is this cultivating "happy"?  Or am I just bored or doing something out of habit. 

On a side note, this week I went to the elders of the church and had them anoint me with oil and pray.  The last 2 days I've actually been running at about 60% strength.  That's a significant improvement over the 20-30% I have been trying to live on.  I will take it and pray and hope for much, much more.   Hope that health will become normal again.

Day 6: The Joy of the Lord

"The Joy of the Lord is our strength."  Felt this was a Scripture the Lord kept bring to mind.  I am in a desperate place for strength right now and part of the solution is to be a joy seeker.  I was reminder earlier this week that he provides us with everything "for our enjoyment."

And I think this is reflective of life.  Parents I think are happy when their kids are doing things that make them happy (things in the Lord, as opposed to immorality).  We enjoy a cat or a dog because it makes us happy when we see them happy (they wag their tail, play wildly, or purr appreciatively).  And I happen to think God is most pleased when he sees us having fun and happy. 

So what do I do that makes me happy?  As I was thinking through this the Lord said to go watch TV now.  Really?  So I did and I watched 2 shows, American Ninja Warrior and America's Got Talent.  I really enjoyed it because I am gunning for an American to finally beat the Ninja course and I enjoy the talent on the shows.  I wasn't watching something because I was bored, because it was a habit, because of anything other than the Lord wanted to give me some enjoyment.

Now I've tried to think of other things that bring enjoyment.  It's harder than I thought. 

Day 5: A Decent Day

Hope rescued the day yesterday.  Was able to push through and am still on track.

Felt good today.  Had a few challenges of working too much.  Sometimes we need to remember to enjoy life and not just work.  Lord, teach me how to have fun.

Day 4: I'll do anything

On Migraine days, I tend to do anything just to make them go away or get my mind off them.  Today even the narcotics didn't work.  This has been about the seemingly worst time to try to not do TV, books, etc...  I almost gave in and I still might.  I long for distraction from pain.

On the flip side, I found church an encouragement this morning.  We took James 5:13 and "practiced obedience."  Made me hunger for more.  Hope that was the case for others as well.

Also I was telling my pastor that I wish I could be a better writer.  He mentioned that Paul wasn't necessarily a good writer (Peter said he was "hard to understand") and yet look much Paul was used.  Encouraging word.

Day 3: A Better Day

It's amazing when you feel better how much better life goes.  Through this process of poor health I'm gaining a great deal of compassion for others who don't feel well in addition to seeing how valuable the ministry of healing can be.  I long to pray for others and see more healings.

In the meantime, today was also easier to stay away from TV, reading and such.  I did have a few moments where I wanted to flip the TV on but since I was feeling better I opened my Bible.  And what a rich study it turned out to be.  I'm going slowly through Luke, memorizing the other half as well as doing more in depth study.  I'm just now getting to Chapter 5 after how many weeks?  Been so rich though.  Highly recommend it.

I think it's also been good for my spirit to not have the "other voices" of life bouncing in my head.  Just me, the outdoors and a Bible.

What I learned today was that conditioning can be altered pretty quickly if we are willing to persevere through the hard days.  This applies to so many arenas of life.  Now if it could only apply to food.  I do have to confess I find myself turning more to junk in these days.  :/

I realized today that it has also been over a month now of not reading any book but the Bible (the TV fast began only 3 days ago).  Interesting as I look over when I did the 40 day challenge of No Books But the Bible.  I've had different results.  Since I've been on the internet more, I think my spirit isn't feeling it as much as last time.  And last time it looks like I wasn't so eager to read other books.  This time I have a long list of what I'd like to read.  Long list.  And I have all the time in the world but not the permission of the Father.   The TV will resume when the fam returns, but the books won't come back until the Father says so. 

Day #2 Conditioning and Comfort

Today was torture.  My health issues today provoked misery.  One of the worst I've had in quite some time.  But what do you do?  I SOOOO wanted to turn the TV on just to focus my mind on something other than how miserable I was feeling.  It could've easily been justified.  Several times I almost caved in.  But something kept me going--hope.

If somehow I KNEW that the Lord was going to speak to me some great things I would keep going.  Although if truth be told my Bible study and time with the Lord have been a bit dismal too.  But if maybe the Lord in this different kind of fast would use it the time to say something, I would keep going.  But I don't know.  I don't know if he'll speak.  There are times before in regular kind of fasts that I haven't heard things from the Lord.  But hope that He will keeps me going.

I also on a less spiritual note realize how much of what we do is based on conditioning.  When I live totally on my own TV is never a problem because I don't have one and don't want one.  But here, when I sit in a certain place in the living room grabbing the remote and turning on the TV is what I do. Either that or read a book.   Lots of books.  It's conditioning.  What do you do in the evening when you ban yourself from TV and books and there's no one in the house?  Still discovering that as there's only so much internet a person can take.  And today, again, to study the Word and to pray, well that too has felt like a challenge when I don't feel good and my brain is fogged.

But at the end of the day, I made it through. 

The Trap of Quanifiable Value

Never before has life been so quantifiable.  Teens can actually put numbers to how well they are liked by others (Facebook and Twitter followers) or how what they do is received or how their latest new purchase strikes others (instragram likes).  It's no different when we come to how many people read our blog, like our posts, watch our YouTube videos, engage in our fundraising requests and read our book.   It's in church too.  It's quantifiable how many seats are filled, the latest building project in the works, how many converts have been made, etc...   And every time we weigh ourselves on our bathroom scales, there's a lurking quantifiable value trying to tell us something we're not.   It's all about numbers.   And without even our awareness these numbers like a stealthy leach secretly attach themselves to suck some of our feeling of value. 

At the root is a craving for significance.  We want to know we are valued.  We've heard that we are to get our value in Christ and we give our whole-hearted head shake to this truth, but we also want to know we are valued by others.  We want to know our life has meant something on this earth.

Daily we are bombarbed with thousands of messages that challenge our value.  Are you married?  Do you have a bomb-shell wife or a handsome husband?  Are your children Harvard scholars and saints of God?  Do you have a nice house?  Do you make good money?  Do you have an important position at work?  What social injustice are you engaged in to change the world?  Are you skinny enough?  Beautiful enough?  Smart enough?  Commercials breed discontent faster than wild bunnies.

Personally I've never found it to be a one-time fight.  This battle to know who we are through and in Christ.    Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose.  Perhaps this is why the "new command" Jesus gave is to "love one another."  Because when we do,  we help give someone a victory.  Twice today I received an email that encouraged my heart.   It was far better than 1000 likes on any post.  Thank you Christine and Lorrain.  You helped give me victory today.

Day 1: The Discovery of Story

I have the house to myself (except the guard dog and a handful of kitties) for the next 10 days so I'm embarking on a fast from TV and from books.  Internet is allowed but not to worry because with limited bandwidth even YouTube videos are treats.  And today is the first day. 

And being the first day I've felt terrible all day.  No energy.  Pushed it too far yesterday.  And more than anything I want to do nothing and watch brainless TV, as my brain isn't in a place to think, do or talk to people.  If I'm honest I don't even feel like reading Scripture or praying, although maybe it would do me good.

But my discovery today is how much we as humans crave story.  TV is story.  Movies are story.  Books are story.  We long for story.  But even more than that we long to be part of one--a story bigger than ourselves.  We long to be an influential player in the story.  People can and do change the world all the time and on large scales.  But most of us wonder how our mark on the world will be made.

So I'm praying today.  And asking God what is my part in His story.